On Letting Go

Prior to my 50th birthday, I processed the upcoming milestone. I had spent my life up to this moment ensuring that I was mentally, physically, and emotionally present for the most important people in my life; quite possibly everyone but ME. Becoming a mother as a teenager to a child with developmental delays, I was lost but focused on being the best mom I could be. In the years to follow, I would foster a relative who I have always seen as my own, got married, give birth twice more, graduate college, started a business, got divorced, closed my business, relocated, raised my family, returned to my home town, and finally reached a place where I was empty nesting. I had NO CLUE how to live let alone live alone. I found that after the years and tears of winning at parenting, at this stage of my life, the thought of losing all that I had came to be was heartbreaking. The success, while refreshing was also painful. I cried often for no other reason than my children were grown, successful, thriving, and living as I had taught them yet had not done myself.

This was my time. It was time for me to “get my feet wet” in the world of SELF. What I found was, “I like me.” I mean I really liked being with me. I was NOT lonely but learned to embrace being alone. I learned to listen to the silence, soak it in, and relax. There were not many days I spent relaxing prior to this moment. A single mom for the majority of my parental years, all I did was work, work, work, to ensure my children had what they needed and some of what they wanted. Now was the time for me to implement all that was taught. Take a chance and try something new. Pick a place on the map, visit, enjoy, and repeat. Take the leap of faith to enjoy the pleasures of my thoughts and the desires of my heart. It was the moment I began letting go. In that moment, I found WELLNESS.